Fear of the Past

It was year 2000, the time that I got my first period. The year where I should say I became a true woman. Also in the same year,  almost on the same date, I saw my father's mistress. It all came too fast for such a young mind to absorb, I was nine that time. My mother holding a pocket knife against this woman and my father covering her holding my mother's risk. Mom fought harder, my father's right eyebrow was bleeding. All I did that time was to stare, observe what will happen next, waiting for my mother-who brought me in the scene- to instruct me. After that occurrence the endless fights and late night sobbing on the other room became clearer to me. My mother was struggling. She is in great pain for my father has another woman, after all the sacrifices, the selflessness and the daily effort that she is doing to give us the most convenient home. She was hands on with everything, very motherly, a wife material as what every home needs. She cooks deliciously and bakes, almost perfect. 

My mom died in December of 2006. My father married her mistress and now has an 10 or 12 year old daughter; And yes they had it long time before my mom died. With this roller coaster life that I have been on, I promised myself to never repeat history. In fact I even told myself that if I may not love then the better. I do not want to be left, cheated by these men. Now I am 22 years old, that thought was changed. But still the fear of the past still haunts me.

I want to have someone whom shall I treat as a king, that I shall love and care the most. A person whom I should wake up everyday and will sure to make him feel the most beautiful and perfect man that the Lord created. I will not ask for more from him but a recognition and appreciation that I exist-that I am valued. For in that case I shall do and give more. Furthermore I want to be respected. I was captivated by this message from a public page in Facebook and this send me to writing this blog:

Respect a Lady.

Treat her like you would want a man to treat your sister. In other words, treat her as a person, not an object. Treat her like a princess and always try to give her comments that make her feel better about herself, rather than put her down.

Listen to her opinions and ideas. Appreciate her as she is, and never underestimate her intelligence. Treat her as an equal. Call her in advance to make plans to go out and never assume that she doesn’t have anything better already scheduled..

Listen to her and respond in a non-condescending manner. Be there for her if she’s crying or upset by holding her. Compliment her. If you think she is beautiful say it! “Beautiful” is so much more respectful than “hot”, it show's you see a lot deeper than the surface. Love and learn to appreciate her for who she is, as well as her body type. Don’t try and change her physically, just love her natural beauty.

Hold hands with her on the street. Don’t be ashamed to be romantic and when you meet up with your friends, introduce her. Don’t ever cheat on her… talk things through.

Be a gentleman! Look out for her feelings. Accept her values/morals. Be interested in her life! Ask her what’s going on, be helpful, never put her down. If she’s wrong don’t go out of your way to prove her. Be nice and treat her like she is special. Don’t push her to do things she is not ready for. Treat her with respect and pay attention to the small things, coz even if it doesn't look like it, most of the time those small things really mean a lot..

Don’t put her down, or make her feel uncomfortable when you are hanging out together with your friends or your parents. Stand up for her! If one of your friends puts her down, confront them and tell them that it is not okay. And always fight for her and defend her honor, till your last dying breath..

-Karl To

This will be an ultimate dream come true if this will happen to me. But then again I do not ask for too much but to just be valued and respected. Before getting anything good from other people we ourselves should practice it to them. As they say, respect begets respect. Accordingly before people will know how prestigious we are we must show it to them first-it must come from within. Do not let other people belittle us or else they will grow with it and worst we might grow with it aswell. We let them step on us too much and thus, we feel less of a being than they are. We must stand on our feet and avoid such repetition of rubbish actions or verbiage towards us. Not in a hostile way but in a dignifying way. Sometimes silence or unresponsiveness gives a sense of I-do-not-agree-with-you feeling and I believe is very effective.

I never remember how it is to have a complete and happy family. I am even afraid that I may never have one. But I trust in the Lord, for He has plans. For whatever it is I shall move forward and be the best person that I can be with everyone. I know I must not worry about it too much. I just need to enjoy life and see what it has in store for me.